10 Tips for the Chronically Ill Cosplayer: Part II Surviving a Convention when Mentally Ill
Chronic Cosplay
Part one of this series was all about handling convention life while chronically ill in terms of physical disabilities. It's only fair to write about the flipside of that coin, mental illness. While I, too, struggle with a variety of mental ailments; I can't speak for all mental illness out there nor can I speak for all people with mental illness. For this one, I called in a few friends. Elephant Bird Cosplay, Naeemer Cosplay, KYSCosplay, Princess Toadette, and Crisis Unversed were all kind enough to lend a hand in writing this. Each of them offering suggestions, personal experiences, and advice for people coping with mental illness during a convention and during everyday life. I can only hope our advice helps you and the ones you love. Even if you yourself don't have any struggles with mental illness, there's a significant chance someone close to you does. Please read this so you have a couple tools in your back pocket to take care of your friends. Cosplay is about community; let's make sure we're helping each other whenever we can.
- This is the most important piece of advice for any cosplayer, mentally ill; physically ill; or neurotypical and able bodied, KEEP HYDRATED AND DON'T GO HUNGRY: This was Elephant Bird Cosplay's first thought and it should be your first priority. "I feel like "EAT" should be tips 1-5," she says - just as serious as she is light hearted in discussing the manner. So many cosplayers forgo food or hydration in favor of fun and chasing friends or photos. I've been guilty of it and so has she, giving a short cautionary tale from last weekend’s convention Anime NEXT in Atlantic City. Having only eaten at 10am that morning, by 8pm she wasn't doing too hot. Between lack of food and all the excitement of a convention, she looked about ready to collapse. In hindsight she remarked "I mean my exhaustion did provide a cute candid otp picture but like. We could've staged that. It didn't have to come to that." Refill your water bottles at water fountains or bathroom sinks, bring snacks and make a note of every nearby convenience store, grocery store, and restaurant. Set times to eat, ask your friends out to breakfast, lunch, or dinner to make sure you all get some grub without sacrificing your chance to squad up and spend time together. Food brings us together at home, don't let it turn a great weekend into an unending series of fainting spells!
- Use the "Buddy System": As corny as the phrase is, it's still important to have someone who knows you well nearby if not right next to you throughout the entire conventions. Make sure this person is someone who can handle helping you through emergencies - I'll elaborate on that next - and make sure they know how best to handle helping you. If nothing else, it's always comforting to know you have someone you can trust and rely on by your side, especially for those of us with anxiety.
- Tell Your Close Friends About Your Major Triggers: These friends are not just there for a sense of security or for helping once you're in the middle of a panic attack, nasty flashbacks, depressive or manic episode, etc. These friends are also there to help you enjoy yourself, and if at all possible these friends may be able to stop a severely negative or dangerous reaction to a serious trigger before the reaction even happens. They may see what would trigger you before you do, and because of this they can prevent mental strain you don't need. I have issues with large props dropping in large rooms with good acoustics - they sound like gun shots and that's not something for which I need a reminder. Every year at Katsucon I relive the horror of seeing the Washington football teams racial slur of a mascot - a literal reference to the massacre of my people as a native American and a reminder that people were once paid to encourage cold blooded murder against us. Every year at Katsucon, I tell the friends I'll spend the most time with to keep an eye out for people wearing merchandise for that team and to do as much as they can to draw my attention into a different area of the room, an alternate route to wherever we're going, or to gently guide me in the opposite direction by my shoulders to prevent horrific PTSD flashbacks and an unshakable fear for my life. I spend as little time at that convention alone as I possibly can because of this, and my friends are super saviors for keeping an amazing weekend from turning into a three day living nightmare. Even if your friend(s) can't prevent whatever major reaction may occur, they can tell those around you whether or not you need to be alone to deal with the reaction, whether or not they should say or do something, and warn them of anything they should under no circumstances do or say around you in the first place. Crisis Unversed chimed in for this one by agreeing that telling friends about major triggers is a serious benefit because "that way, [the trigger] can be left out of conversations or a friend can redirect your attention from potential triggers." You don't need to tell people the reason these triggers affect you, a good friend will understand what's more important. It's about handling a present situation before it goes south, not playing psychiatrist and dredging up the past experiences that caused the triggers.
- Keep a Code: Secret codes aren't just for spies! Make up a code with the friends you'll be spending most of your convention with, "It can literally be anything. Make it unique if you need to so that it translates clearly that you need a break or something’s wrong and you need to excuse yourself ASAP," explained Crisis Unversed. I couldn't say it better myself. Whether it's a key phrase; a hand motion; an inconspicuous text message; or stomping your left foot twice, codes for when you need to exit a situation quickly without hurting others' feelings or drawing unnecessary attention are extremely important, especially for folks who have anxiety issues regarding crowds or being near too many people.
- Don't Be Afraid to Excuse Yourself: You don't owe anyone your attention, especially if they're making you feel uncomfortable or if you need to go take care of yourself. "Make sure to be conscious of your limits. If too much social interaction leaves you feeling drained, don't be afraid to ask your friends for space and to cool off on your own. I've had friends do just that and I’ve never felt offended or hurt by their need for some alone time," advised Naeemer Cosplay.
- Hit the hotel when you're overwhelmed: You paid for the room, don't forget to use it! Take a nap! Decompress! Whether you've found yourself tired before the clock strikes noon and need a quick disco nap*. Everyone has a different way of decompressing. Some cosplayers may need to sit in their hotel room with dimmed lighting and silence, some may need to pull out their DS and focus on something lowkey and self contained. Elephant Bird Cosplay and I have one decompression/relaxation technique in common. "Music is a big comfort object for me, so I always make sure I have headphones on me if I'm going to be in a stressful situation." I couldn't agree more, we spoke a bit back and forth about the benefits of headphones while taking a breather. I know for me, if I can't sneak off to sing a song or two when I'm overstressed, it's all over. Music soothes the soul, even if the best music for you is silence. In the same vein as retreating to the hotel when you need a moment to yourself or a calm moment with a friend, make sure you know where the best exit routes are! It'll be a huge help to know where you need to go to get back to your hotel quickly, rather than wandering down long hallways and allowing the panic to grow accidentally, fearing you'll never find your way out.
- Meds, Emergency Contacts, and a List of Doctors: Bring your meds - set alarms!! We all forget sometimes, some of us have memory problems on top of it, I know I do. I type out every single time I take a dose of my medications and which medications they were in my phones memo section both so I don't forget and so someone can easily access it in a crisis situation. Keep a list of every medication you take, the dosage, and when/how often you're supposed to take them. Include other important information on this list, doctor’s phone numbers just in case; emergency contacts both at home and people who are at the convention - remember those friends we've mentioned? Include them, they know enough to be a huge help if and when something goes down. If you know your blood type, pop that on to the list. My mom offered some advice on this subject while I was first listing my main points and it's a piece of advice I wish I'd thought of myself! "What if you took the list and laminated it so you could slip it behind the badge in the plastic guard on your lanyards? That way the information is all right there and you won't need to fumble with loose papers or hoping people know to check your phone memos? That might be a good idea." It is, mom. It is. Bless that woman. Elephant Bird Cosplay also had a great suggestion, "I'd say carrying an emergency kit is vital - if you're a cosplayer you should already have a cosplay repair kit, but the emergency kit doesn't have to be just cosplay. Stick things like an energy bar or as needed medication in there." This brilliant idea reminded me of something another friend of mine once told me about, she works as a clinician which of course means working with the mentally ill every day while handling her own mental illnesses. Let's hope to number eight and talk a little bit about her emergency kit for folks with mental illness so we can combine that friend and Elephant Bird Cosplay's emergency kit suggestions into the ultimate survival kit for the cosplayer with mental illness!
- Comfort Items/Tactile Distractions: Whether it's a plush, a squeezable pvc toy, a comfy scarf, or a cool/hot item to keep your mind on something else, having something on hand - no pun intended - can be a major benefit. This was part of the "emergency kit" suggested by my clinician friend, some extra items to augment Elephant Bird Cosplay's emergency kit idea. She suggested to first have something tactile - soft; squeezable; cool or warm to the touch, something scented like a small essential oil for on the go or a spritz of an essential oil/perfume diluted with water onto your tactile object. Then it went something for taste, a pack of gum or mints as well as regular food, for when you have eaten but your mind needs to focus on something else. You can even put in a small swatch of fabric or carry your kit in a cute felt bag, a nice zipper pouch featuring your favorite series from the Artist Alley, an upcycled band t-shirt turned small bag, a plain bag of your preferred size covered in a collection of pins or patches, a squishy stuffed animal bag, whatever imagery works best for you. Have something in there for all of your senses or for whatever senses help you the most when you're stressed or anxious. Crisis Unversed gives us an idea of why a kit like this or a simple comfort item is so important "if I have a textured prop that’s large enough, I pet it, especially while I’m talking to new people at conventions. Sense of touch is a very powerful thing, that’s why tactile distractions or objects are so important."
- Put Yourself First: YOU are the only person who will always be with you, you are the only person you're responsible for in most cases, and you need to take care of yourself just as much as you want to make sure your friends enjoy themselves. This was covered in number five, but I can't stress it enough - if you're uncomfortable because of someone else, LEAVE. Crisis Unversed also took a moment to emphasize this point, saying "your comfort comes first at all times." Princess Toadette reminds us of something similar that we're all too quick to forget, "you're allowed to take your time. You're allowed to take a breather." Her advice starts even before the convention does, "If you are making your cosplay, you are allowed to relax, take a breather, and walk away from it if it is getting too stressful." Don't forget to take your time in every aspect!
KYS Cosplay offers a lived experience I find well worth reading in its entirety, KYS Cosplay offered insight from the perspective of someone who does find himself drained from excess socializing and from getting so involved in socializing with likeminded folks or attending events within the convention that it's a thin line between fun and overwhelming. In my opinion, his full quote on this aspect is well worth reading in its entirety. "Okay so: as an autistic and mentally ill person, I always have a deficiency of proper socialization and human contact. To go from always being different from practically everyone I'm surrounded by to throwing myself into a convention center FULL of people I AM similar with and can relate to, [it's] such a change and literal PERFECT opportunity to squeeze in all the socialization I never get. Sometimes I end up stressing myself out. With such a special and extremely rare opportunity it becomes very important not to completely blow it by overstressing and overworking yourself with trying to squeeze in like 12 cosplays into like 3 days." Most cosplayers can probably relate to this sentiment to a degree, some not so much as KYS while others may find themselves in the same boat. We have to remember, as great as it is to meet over a thousand people who are just as excited about the same things as we are and as great as it is to run from shoot to shoot or costume to costume in order to find every likeminded person we can, it's equally detrimental if we don't take care of ourselves while doing so. Yes, there are a billion people to meet, but sacrificing every notch of your energy levels before 3pm on Friday isn't going to make it very easy to keep meeting and interacting with these people. KYS Cosplay has some more incredible advice in a similar vein, we'll get to that soon. - Number ten is all KYS Cosplay, from start to finish. He expressed a sentiment I hadn't thought of, nevermind thinking of a way to phrase it. Let's check out our final quote in this article, in my opinion he says it best. "Don’t live through the lens of your camera: with so many great cosplayers around you and usually a beautiful convention center for a background, and a huge photoshoot schedule to double...it becomes really tempting to try and just photo-diary / blog / vlog EVERYTHING but often times the cost of that is that you don’t live in the moment. [...] focus on the people around you, what you're doing, and what's going on rather than trying to record every second of it. Take photos when you should, like at photoshoots (they're literally called photoshoots for a reason), but also enjoy the con through your own senses in real time." When I first read these thoughts from KYS Cosplay, they hit me like a brick! I never took the time to think about how hyperfocusing on social media at conventions takes away from the actual convention itself, you're no longer experiencing the convention. You're experiencing a facebook status update and a twitter hash tag while sitting on the floor of a convention center, blissfully ignorant of Waluigi and Dat Boi waltzing past with Miku Hatsune and Chica from FNaF in tow. It's so easy to get caught up in taking photos, sending snaps, updating facebook and twitter and tumblr - but in doing so, we overwhelm ourselves with social media while simultaneously losing the chance to actually socialize with the people right there with us. Enjoy the convention while you get to experience it firsthand. Take photos, yes, but remember those are for reminders of the fun you had at the con.
(*A disco nap is a colloquialism referencing a nap taken after work and before going out on the town with friends, usually to go dancing. This phrase is not limited to the dance floor, however, the con floor is just as much an energetic mana tap. It does become quite literal when shedding a cosplay in favor of a disco nap and rave gear for the late night festivities of a convention, though!)
